Eau de Mike

Best. Poster. Ever.

I wish I knew who created this, or could even remember where on the Web I found it. But it's so elegant and profound. Makes me proud on many levels: professional, personal, patriotic.

In the Thick of It

Well I finally got off my butt and got back to writing. I submitted an essay to Sparks, a column sponsored by the San Francisco Gay Men's Community Initiative and published in the SF Bay Times newspaper. It was accepted for publication and was published in today's issue. You can read it online here.

It's called "In the Thick of It" and is about how I feel as a resident of Castro Street. It's minutes of reading fun! I highly recommend it.

Oh, please

Here are two headlines from the Yahoo! home page this evening:

Linens 'n Things files for bankruptcy, will close 120 stores

Bush predicts the economy is going to "come on"

Is there anyone left in the world who still actually believes a word that comes out of that pathetic guy's lying, sniveling little mouth?

I Heart My New iMac

I categorized this post as "romance" because I'm in love with my new computer. I love the way it looks. I love the way the keyboard feels. I love how it performs. I love it. Love love love it. That's why I haven't been blogging. I've been making out with my new iMac. Honestly, is there anything better than a new computer? I think not.

These Ads Suck.

I'm an ad guy, so of course I pay attention to ads. And two I saw recently in a gay magazine incensed me. [both are posted here] Catering to the lowest common denominator, these ads use sexual innuendo and so-stupid-it's-insulting puns to try to capture the audience's attention.

First there's the Pepsi ad, which is telling me to have a threeway. Notice how the bottle is held aloft in the middle of the three guys like a phallus. Then, there's the Mitchell Gold ad. Mitchell Gold has been running insipid ads for years and this one is no exception. Another barely concealed reference to sex.

Now, as I've said before, I'm no prude. Any of my friends can attest to that! My objection to these ridiculously inane ads is that they are just that – inane. They sell the audience [gay men] short. As if all we think about is sex. All we care about is sex. We're wild for it. We love it permeating all of our thoughts, all facets of our life constantly.

The magazines these ads run in have (usually) intelligent editorial. A lot of it talks about how gay people have evolved beyond the stereotypical sex-mad, sex-obsessed, sleep-with-anyone-anytime mentality and are doing things like adopting children, getting married, fighting for civil rights like never before, coming out to everyone, and forging impressive careers.

And then you turn the page and you see ads like this, that completely negate that editorial almost to the point where the headlines may as well say "Never mind."

The thing is, I know how difficult it is to craft a good ad. And I know how easy it is to come up with a crappy one. The copywriters, art directors, account executives, and clients involved in these ads, and countless others just like them, didn't even try. They're just insulting us by thinking we'll respond to them.

Well, I'm responding. I'm saying that it'll be a cold day in hell before I drink another Pepsi. Or shop at Mitchell Gold. I'll stick to advertisers who regard me as an intelligent person, and who talk to me about the benefits and superiority of their products. Not the ones who expect me to spark to them because they've raised my libido. And I'm calling on the editors of the magazines who run these ads to challenge their advertisers to do better by their readership.

I understand that sex in advertising is nothing new. And maybe it sells. Furthermore, I'm all for sex-positive messages. But please, not when you're selling me a soft drink.  

I'm so over it.

For the love of GOD, people! ENOUGH about Amy fucking Winehouse!!

Honestly, I just don't get it. She's an absolute nobody who nobody had ever heard of before her ONE hit on the radio. She sang about "them" wanting to send her to rehab, and she said, "No, no, no." It's actually a fun song. And my buddy Simon saw her perform in London, reporting that she was "fantastic." Simon doesn't use the f-word lightly. So, I get it. She's talented.

But give me a break! Does the fact she has had ONE measly little song land on the charts really warrant the obscene amount of attention she's getting in the press? She's had a breakdown. She's pregnant. She's not pregnant. She's in rehab. She isn't in rehab. She's just exhausted. She cancelled concert dates. She rescheduled concerts. She cancelled again. She asks for privacy. She's getting married. She'd getting divorced. She's gay. She's bi. She's getting another tattoo. She washed her hair yesterday.

ENOUGH!!!

What the f*** is going on?! ONE song, people. ONE. She's not Madonna. She's not Cher. She's not the Stones or the Who or even Huey Lewis and the News, for Chrissake. She is Amy Winehouse, a mediocre singer who has been in the pop consciousness for about three months, and is likely to exit it in another three. So why am I subjected to neverending articles online and in the press about her? What, exactly makes her so goddamned special??!!

Honestly, I don't get it. Are we really that desperate for news that we need to follow her every move and make public predictions on what's going to happen next in the life of a nobody? This girl's agent deserves a fucking medal. Never has one moderately talented person leveraged so little to achieve so much press.

Please, media, for the love of God, stop. Just stop already. At least wait until the bitch has had TWO hits before bombarding me with every sordid detail of her boring, been-there-read-that, drug-addled, stupid, tattooed life.

I love you, EW

The clipping below is from the latest edition of Entertainment Weekly. The writer weighs the pros and cons of various actors being selected to play Hugh Hefner, the Ultimate Playboy. One of the options is Neil Patrick Harris, a recently out gay man. Not only do they offer him up as a good choice, but they also fail to mention that he is gay. Some would call that an oversight. I call it progress.

A First-Ever Card

Today I got a card from my big sister. Which isn't so unusual in and of itself. She sends me cards all the time. Both of my sisters do, actually. Which I love.

This one is different though, because it's a Happy Pride card. And it's the first one I ever got from a family member. Not that they would have a problem with sending me one. It's just that no one has ever thought about doing it. Until now.

And it's a really funny one, too. The front has a photograph of an old man from what looks like about 1972. He's bald, wearing a gray turtleneck, and looking down his large, black-framed glasses at the camera with a somewhat bewildered look on his face.

The inside says: "How the hell was I supposed to know? I put out a rainbow flag because I liked the colors. The next thing you know, I've got half a dozen well-dressed men at the door drinking cosmos and screaming 'Hey, Girl!'"

I sure do love that sister of mine.

And the You Gotta Be Kidding Me Award Goes To...

I just learned that Isaiah Washington recently won an NAACP Image Award for Outstanding Actor in a Drama Series. I quote from the award program's website:

"The NAACP Image Awards is the nation’s premier event celebrating the outstanding achievements and performances of people of color in the arts as well as those individuals or groups who promote social justice."

And from the intro to the same website: "Liberty. Tradition. Equality. The ideals of civil and human rights."

So I'd like to personally thank the NAACP for letting me know that calling someone a faggot is an "outstanding achievement." It's really good to know that such an inexcusable slur "promotes social justice" because -- stupid me -- I never realized that. And it's very comforting to learn that blatant bigotry is "the ideal of civil and human rights." That isn't what I was taught in school or by my parents, so thanks for clearing that up, NAACP. I owe ya one.

Between Washington, a veritable pillar of "equality," and the neverending freakathon that is Ann Coulter, I'm beginning to think society is nothing more than a bunch of schoolchildren on a playground. Is this the best we can do, people? Is the African-American community so hard up for heroes that it must give laurels to its most ignorant representative? Are news magazines and cable talk shows so grossly strapped for content that they feel compelled to turn their cameras on a hateful woman, and give her a microphone so she can spout her venom to the masses?

But let's not forget the live audiences, who applauded both of these sad people at their respective events. Which makes it hard to know which is worse: the fact that these two lesions said what they said, or the terrible truth that they both received kudos for it from my neighbors, co-workers, fellow Americans, fellow humans. Thanks, all. 'Preciate it.

But hey, maybe I'm overreacting. After all, we're only talking about faggots, right?

Only in America

I just watched an American Idol reject win an Oscar.
Then I watched a former Vice President of the United States win an Oscar.
It's kinda mind-blowing, don't you think?
You really CAN do anything you set your mind to in this country.
For example, right now, I'm gonna eat a whole bag of peanut M&Ms.