About Me

Doing my best to elevate the material.

If I were surfing the web and came across a site like this – written by a stranger – with all these buttons saying “click here if you want to know more about ME!” I’d be all “I’ve got better things to do, Buddy.” However, I have led an interesting life so far, and I thought people might like to know a few things about it. So, click away. It’s short and informative. Kind of like that show on VH1. You know, the one with all the B-listers talking about what music they loved and what TV shows they watched back in the 80s.

Places I’ve Lived
Boston, Massachusetts – born here. Always a Yankee at heart. (Notice I didn’t say “haaaht.”)

Vineland, New Jersey – South Jersey. Lots of chicken farms. Lots of fun for an 8-year-old boy.

Atlanta, Georgia – Great place to get your profitable career on.

Kingsport, Tennessee – Quite probably the crappiest place on earth. Rednecks as far as the eyes can see. If you see a building going up, it’s a bank, a church, or a McDonald’s. Approximately 20 years and 4 months behind the times.

Tampa, Florida – Beautiful, but takes itself way too seriously. The Olympics?! Please.

Great Lakes Naval base – 40 miles north of Chicago. C-c-c-c-cold.

Idaho Falls, Idaho – in the ugly part of a beautiful state. Here for Navy Nuclear Power School. Tumbleweeds, jackrabbits and Mormons all in ample supply.

Charleston, South Carolina – again, my Navy days. Loved the history.

USS Batfish (SSN 681) – Fast Attack nuclear sub. On board for two years. We went all over the Atlantic, the North Sea, the Caribbean. See FAQs for more info.

San Francisco – five years and running. Never thought I’d live here. Seems to be working out.

Jobs I’ve Had
Dishwasher/waiter/cook in my dad’s restaurant – indentured servitude, with all the Lasagne Pasticiatte and Zuppa Formaggio I could eat.

Machinist’s Mate on a nuclear submarine – indentured servitude with all the bilge slime I could clean. I once got kicked out of the Executive Officer’s stateroom. Funny story.

Financial aid officer for a correspondence truck driving school – doing my part to educate high school dropouts from Ohio who felt the call of the open road. My mom was my boss and yes, I got preferential treatment, but only because I deserved it.

Mailroom clerk in an ad agency – my first rung on the advertising ladder. Humiliating after teaching naval officers how to run a nuclear power plant when I was 19 years old. But hey, everyone’s gotta start somewhere.

Medical transcriptionist – the most boring job in the world, but the perfect one for good spellers who can type fast. Got me through college and grad school. Can you say "esophagogastroduodenoscopy?"

Home Shopping Club order taker – a much-needed respite from analytical thought. See my essay "The Therapeutic Effects of Imitation Diamonds" for a fun perspective on this experience. HOTLINK

Advertising copywriter – my current career. I’ve written everything from Clio-award-winning radio and big budget TV spots to the UPS global calendar and promos for "Wheel of Fortune." One day I’m buying a stuffed Cookie Monster for a photo shoot, the next I’m discussing the myriad applications of streaming video technology on the web. You just never know where the job will take you. That’s what makes it so great.

Brushes with Fame
What is the sound of one name dropping? I have no idea, although several names dropping sounds sort of like self-indulgent crap. But it’s still kinda fun. Here’s a quick run-down of my peeps:

June Lockhart – Lassie’s mom, Will Robinson’s mom. Accidentally got into the back seat of her white Audi sedan in front of an LA hotel. What can I say? My rental was the same size and color and I was in a hurry.

Wayne Brady – “Who’s Line is it Anyway?”
I cast him in a Churchs Chicken TV campaign just as he was hitting it big. Very shy and unassuming. A huge talent.

Ray Charles – some singer guy I was the copywriter for a Georgia Lottery TV campaign he signed for. He sang "Georgia On My Mind" while playing a grand piano in the empty ballroom of a 100-year-old mansion. Absolutely breathtaking.

Dakota Fanning – child actress extraordinaire
Cast her to sit on the piano bench next to Ray Charles in one of the Georgia Lottery TV spots, just before she hit it big in Hollywood. The casting session took place in a Holiday Inn function room in Marietta, Georgia. Now she co-stars with the likes of Tom Cruise, Denzel Washington, Sean Penn, and Robert DeNiro. And she never calls.

Cindy Wilson – B-52’s
Her husband is a friend and former co-worker (art director). She is one of the nicest, most genuine people you’ll ever meet, with just about the strongest voice in rock and roll.

Anne Rice – some writer lady
Stood in line for three hours to get her autograph on “Tale of the Body Thief” (my favorite of her vampire books). I had three hours to think of something cool to say and all I could come up with was “Hi.” After she signed my book, however, I was able to muster the much more eloquent and provocative, “Thank you.”

Michael Eisner – some big shot at Disney
He and his party stole our table at an Italian restaurant in LA, then we ended up sitting right next to them. When they left, we snatched the wine cork from his table and got the wine list back to see how much he spent. $16.

Sean Hayes – Jack on “Will and Grace”
With friends at Fred Seigel in LA, attempting incognito with a ball cap pulled low over his eyes. He ordered coffee, then split for the rest room. Saw him going and coming. Judging from the interval, it was Number One.

Sally Field – movie star, flying nun
I didn’t have the guts to turn around and speak to her when she stood right behind me at a film premiere in Atlanta. Maybe next time. Teeny tiny person, that Sally.

Patricia Nell Warren – author of “The Front Runner” among others. Her classic book changed my life. When I saw her at a writer’s conference in San Francisco, I had the opportunity to tell her, which is a wonderful thing. A lovely lady.

Rita Moreno –consummate entertainer
I’ve seen her cabaret act a couple of times. Very warm onstage. Unfortunately, not so much when off. She signs CDs with one hand while gesturing to the next person in line to step forward with the other. But you can’t deny her talent.

Sharon Glass – “Cagney and Lacey,” “Queer as Folk”
Best. Actress. Ever. Met her when she was Honorary Grand Marshall at SF’s Pride a few years back. I shook her hand and gushed like a pre-pubescent girl meeting Justin Timberlake. But she was gracious and didn’t laugh at me.

Also spotted up close and personal:
Sir Ian McKellan (“Gandalf! Is that you?!”)
John Henson (um, who? ex-Talk Soup guy)